“You’re so talented and insightful—it’s amazing how much you take in. Understanding how you’re wired is just as important as understanding the world around you. Good for you for being proactive and leaning into this journey!”

“Great news! You can’t use the right tools if you don’t know the problem. And for the record, I wouldn’t change a thing about you even if I could.”

“No matter what diagnosis you receive, you’re loved beyond measure. Your mind is an exceptional gift, and it’s amazing to see you better understand and embrace it. You’re truly the gift that keeps on giving. Dial into your superpower and keep reaching for the stars!”

“You’ve always approached life with a high-functioning, positive attitude. Whether diagnosed or not, you’re still the same incredible person. Keep learning, honing your focus, and pushing yourself forward. Nothing changes that.”

“That must feel so validating! The answer to what you can achieve is truly anything you decide to set your mind to. Know this: I’m one of your biggest fans, always cheering you on.”

“A diagnosis like this makes sense—you’re in the company of incredibly successful and inspiring people. With the right mindset and tools, you’re an asset to the world, and I know you’ll thrive.”

“Does this offer new tools or insights to help you approach things differently? Or is it more of a learning process going forward? Either way, I hope it opens doors to new perspectives and opportunities for you.”

“As long as this helps you feel better and more in tune with yourself, that’s what truly matters. I’m so happy for you and proud of everything you’ve accomplished. This changes nothing about how amazing you already are to me and everyone who knows you. I’m just so grateful to have you as a friend, no matter the distance.”

“How wonderful to have a better understanding of yourself—it must feel empowering to navigate life with more clarity. Here’s to an incredible future ahead!”

Masking is the practice of hiding or suppressing traits and behaviors associated with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) to fit societal norms or expectations. It often involves pretending to be neurotypical in order to avoid judgment or misunderstanding. This can be physically and emotionally exhausting but is often done to navigate social situations and avoid negative consequences.

Why People with ASD Mask

1. Social Acceptance: Many people with ASD mask to avoid being perceived as “different” or socially awkward. Masking helps them blend in, reducing the likelihood of being excluded or criticized in social and professional settings.

2. Professional Expectations: In work or academic environments, people with ASD might mask to appear more “normal” to supervisors, colleagues, or peers, especially in hierarchical settings where social conformity is expected.

3. Fear of Judgment: The anxiety around being misunderstood or stigmatized can drive individuals to hide behaviors that may be considered unusual or inappropriate by societal standards.

4. Survival Mechanism: For some, masking is simply a way to survive in a world that may not accommodate or understand their differences. It can be a learned coping mechanism, especially if they grew up in environments that expected conformity.

Ways to Manage Masking

1. Mask as a Filter, Not a Persona: Rather than seeing masking as creating a separate identity, view it as a tool or filter to present a version of yourself that is appropriate for specific situations. This approach helps reduce emotional exhaustion by making the mask feel less like a full alter ego.

2. Conserve Energy: Masking can be draining, so it’s important to conserve energy when possible. Address sensory needs, like wearing earplugs or sunglasses, to maintain your stamina for social interactions where masking is necessary.

3. Selective Masking: Rather than masking in every situation, reserve it for essential interactions, such as professional settings or critical conversations. When possible, unmask in environments where it feels safe, allowing for moments of rest and self-expression.

4. Be Genuine Within Boundaries: Focus on being polite, cordial, and genuine within the social boundaries of a situation. This minimizes the emotional toll of masking, allowing you to maintain a sense of authenticity while adhering to social norms.

5. Balance Effort: Understand that both masking and unmasking can require significant effort. Strive for a balance between the two, recognizing when it’s worth expending the energy to unmask and when masking is necessary for self-preservation.

6. Use Practical Tools: Utilize structured strategies like the “MASKED” acronym—Mirror, Ask questions, Smile, Keep focus, Eye contact, Discuss—to manage interactions effectively while masking. This approach offers a methodical way to navigate social exchanges without overexertion.

Ultimately, masking is a coping strategy, but it’s important for people with ASD to find balance and know when it’s safe to let their true selves be seen.

decided to stop focusing on being autistic and just be yourself. Since finding out you have autism, you’ve been hyper-focused on managing it, and it’s made you miserable. But you should realized that for ?? years, you didn’t know, and you didn’t struggle as much as you have recently. So now, you’re choosing to be aware of it without letting it define you. You know when you’re starting to get snippy or feel panic attacks coming on, and that’s your cue that you’re pushing too hard. You’re not autism; you just have it. You’re still going to give yourself permission to rest and educate yourself, but you’re done overcompensating and making things harder than they need to be. You’ve got mouths to feed, and you can’t afford to keep holding yourself back.

It’s all about realizing you’re the same person you’ve always been—just with different needs. You’re not broken, and you’re not going to keep telling yourself that you are. You’ve been struggling too much, but before, you just dealt with things. Now, you’re shifting your mindset and accepting that it is what it is. You’re not going to let the story you’ve been telling yourself work against you anymore.

Knowing yourself helps others understand you, and that’s really their problem, not yours. Embracing who you are, including the parts shaped by autism, is all part of the journey. You’ve realized that putting a name to your struggles has been freeing. Now, you can take control of your life again and face it with support, not just blindly pushing through.

1. Feeling Like an Outsider

The sentiment of being on the outside looking in, even in social groups, resonates with many. This recognition can be an important step in understanding oneself and how social dynamics work.

2. Balance Between Isolation and Connection

the duality of needing solitude to recharge after social interactions while also feeling the weight of loneliness. Finding a balance is essential for emotional well-being.

3. Shifts in Social Needs Over Time

There’s an interesting perspective that social needs evolve with age. Early in life, there’s a strong biological drive to socialize. As people age, the focus often shifts toward isolation or smaller, meaningful connections before swinging back to a desire for socializing later in life. For those on the autism spectrum, this shift may be complicated by delays in emotional maturity or differences in social awareness.

4. Importance of Emotional Growth

Therapy and self-reflection are highlighted as tools for developing emotional maturity and understanding the why behind behavioral changes, rather than simply conforming to fit in. This kind of growth can lead to more authentic connections.

5. Navigating Loneliness Through Self-Awareness

For many, learning about themselves and their needs, often through communities, helps them better navigate social interactions and combat feelings of isolation.

1. Acknowledge the Initial Shock: It’s natural to feel overwhelmed or surprised when first realizing or understanding your autism. This new perspective can stir up a mix of emotions, and it’s okay to take your time to process it.

2. Allow Yourself to Grieve: It’s common to feel sadness or grief when looking back at challenges or missed opportunities. Give yourself permission to mourn the years spent not fully understanding yourself.

3. Find Relief and Validation: Take comfort in knowing that autism explains many of the challenges you’ve faced. The understanding of your neurodiversity can offer a sense of relief, as it affirms your experiences rather than invalidating them.

4. Practice Self-Forgiveness: You may have spent years trying to be something you’re not. Start forgiving yourself for past struggles and recognize that it was not your fault—you were simply operating in a world that didn’t understand you.

5. Learn to Accept and Embrace Your Traits: Instead of trying to change, focus on accepting your natural traits. Autism is a part of who you are, and embracing it can bring peace and self-empowerment.

6. Understand Feelings of Frustration: It’s normal to feel frustration when you realize how many of your challenges could have been understood or supported differently. Use this frustration as fuel for growth rather than self-blame.

7. Recognize the Loneliness, but Find Community: While it may feel isolating, know that you are not alone. Many others share similar experiences, and finding a supportive community can help you feel more connected.

8. Reframe Your Struggles as Strengths: Recognize that the traits you’ve struggled with can also be powerful strengths. Whether it’s hyperfocus, unique problem-solving, or creativity, these qualities make you different in valuable ways.

9. Experience the Relief of Understanding Yourself: Understanding your brain and behaviors can bring a sense of clarity. With this insight, you can begin to address your needs and navigate the world in a way that honors your true self.

10. Stay Hopeful for the Future: With greater self-awareness comes the opportunity for growth. Embrace the hope that the world will become more understanding of neurodiversity, and that you can create a life that works for you.